this is aimed at Men in general, it also applies to Women, although to a lesser
I have a lot of female friends and colleagues who offer sexuality based services ranging from basic erotic massage to education to 'full service'. The biggest complaints I hear them talking about is that Men don't know what they want, they treat me like a commodity, Men can't or don't read and that they often try to get 'more for less'. This phenomena is not only limited to female practitioners and I have certainly had my own experience of this happening and would like to address this here.
Men don't know what they want. I don't know that I can say with certainty that this is the actual issue. I believe that while there are a great many people, men and women alike, who truly don't know what sorts of pleasure they would like to receive, I feel that there is a deeper issue at play. That is, that many people don't know how to communicate what it is that they would like to experience. When people (generally Men) call in response to an advert in the paper or such, one of the first questions they are asked is, “What is it that you're looking for?” This is usually answered with the question, “What do you offer?” This leads into 'Men don't/won't read' and I will cover that shortly. However if Men knew how to communicate what they wanted they would be able to state without hesitation what it is that they were looking to receive. Most people who advertise their services are at least willing to hear what their potential clients are looking for and are able to state a clear yes or no as to their willingness or ability to offer the services sought.
Men can't, don't or won't read. In my own experience I have found this to be sadly true. Most men will only see the word sex, or something related to sex and read no further, except to find the phone number or email address. If the time was taken to read the ad or the info on the website they would find what services are offered, how long the sessions are and how much it cost. They would then be able to ask informed questions and be able to receive the kind of session or service that they are seeking. AND they would most likely find that the person they're talking to would be more than happy to discuss in detail with them so that they could provide said client with the exact experience they're looking for.
Men treat me like a commodity. Technically the services offered are a commodity, but the person providing the service isn't. If full service (intercourse) is being offered is the person a commodity just because they're using their body to perform the service? I think not. There is a distinction to be made here and unfortunately most men are unable or unwilling to make that distinction. It's about respect and being authentic. The women (as a generalisation) offering these services could easily be your daughter, you mother, sister, wife, niece or even your grandmother. Would you even know if they were? How would you like other men to talk to them if this were the case? Would you like them being treated like a 'whore' just because of the work they do? And for most of them it is just that, work. It may be their passion or they may be doing it just for the money, but does that make them, as people, less of a person? Again, I think not. Did you come to the conclusion that women who offer sexual services for money are whores from your own experience, or did you learn it from social conditioning? Have you seen the woman behind the service, or are you stereotyping? By learning to engage with these providers of a much sought after service on a person-to-person level you can enrich the experience beyond measure.
Trying to get more for less. A lot of men will try to get the service provider to describe what will happen in a session in order to masturbate on the phone. A lot will try to touch the provider or get them to engage in unsafe sexual practices while it has been clearly stated that this is not to be done. While a lot of us will try to get more for less when we go shopping – pay less for cash; buy one get one free etc – not many will ask a professional service provider (doctor, lawyer etc) for freebies, yet when it comes to sex professionals it seems that there is an assumption of 'right'. It's my right to have sex in the way I want it (paid or not) regardless of the person I'm engaging with. This attitude could be considered as consumerist rape in this situation. So if one were to take a stereotypical view, women offering sexual services for money are whores, and the men who visit them are rapists. I don't think either is true yet there may be something in it; from a stereotypical view. So by that reasoning if you're after something more for less then you may be a rapist??? And yet again, I think not. I call you (Men) into person-to-person authenticity in dealing with people who advertise sexual services for money.
Sexual authenticity is about being totally aware of your sexual self, including who you are as a person, not just some learned version of what a Man (or Woman) should be as far as sex is concerned. By tapping into that part of you that is fully connected to head, heart and genitals, you can relate to others in a way that you may find profound beyond your wildest dreams. This is not to suggest that a quick 'rub and tug' doesn't have its place, just that there is a much broader realm of sexuality to be explored that can make your visits to service providers a much, much more pleasurable experience. After all, isn't pleasure why you're seeking these services? Whether the pleasure you're seeking is just being listened to for an hour, being held, 'getting off', being bound and flogged or having a naked woman give you a massage, a happy ending doesn't always have to mean ejaculation. Nor does it necessarily mean a lack of connection with the one you're receiving from.
Authenticity in its actual meaning is about being confirmed against some sort of standard. The standard I like to use for myself is what is the deepest truth for me, right here, right now. If I believe I am not being my authentic self I will look for a change or improvement. It may be that you want to be a misogynistic pig (an extreme stereotype) and if that is your deepest truth then that is authentic. However I don't know many, if any Men who want that for themselves and would invite you to look inside and find a truth that is your own and not a learned version of your sexual expression.
From my own personal experience it's not an easy journey to authenticity, in fact for me it's an ongoing one, and one that has improved my life in countless ways. It's a journey that will be with me for the rest of my days and one that I can only embrace as part of my own authentic Self. I invite you to find this for yourself.