Your Body, Your Life, Your Way!

When people think of gender they usually think of Men and Women, or Male and Female. This is typical of duality thinking that is 20th century humanity. Black and White, Heaven and Hell, Man or Woman, Right or Wrong. While there is reason behind a lot of this thinking and behaviour, the fact remains that humans cannot, and do not fit into a choice of 2 boxes. Biologically speaking there are over 300 variations on gender within humans depending on chromosomal combinations.

This being said, why is it then that nearly all schools of modern teaching around sexuality are still preaching what a Man is and what a Woman is and the way they should treat each other when it comes to sex. Men are to take control, take their time, make sure she's aroused, be gentle, ask to touch her etc, etc. Women are to surrender to the Man, open to him, be soft, be gentle, state her needs, wear lingerie, be goddesses. So what happens when a Man wants to be soft at the same time the Woman does? What happens when the Woman wants to dominate? What happens if the couple is same sex? Why is the mainstream still caught up on white, middle-age heterosexual monogamous couples? Apart from queer specific trainings or some somatic based trainings, there are not many options for inclusive, choice-based training.

As a point here, I would like to state what may be obvious. That is, that training is something one gets in order to do something better, and yet to seek the help of a sex trainer or a mental health professional (except possibly psychiatry - google arguments on DSM-V) can be beneficial beyond imagination. Why is it then that so many people would rather wallow in the familiar than find a better life? Just a curiosity.

Tantra is one of the largest adult sex education modalities in the western world, yet it is also possibly the biggest offender for the "shoulds" of sexuality, particularly around male ejaculation. Fair enough, learn the way, but then find your own way. I believe any good sex training will acknowledge that a person's sexual experience is individual, not universal. In the case of whether to ejaculate or not, or any sex "practice," try both ways and see what works.

My curiosity with modern sexuality teachings is why there's still such a hangup on gender as well? The Masculine (active) and Feminine (receptive) polarities still exist but they exist in different measure in all people regardless of which genitalia are attached to one's body. I would like modern teaching to reflect a level of consciousness that, if stated, reflects a non-dualistic approach to sexuality. This is why my approach is "Your Sex, Your Body, Your ...whatever - Your Way." Just because something works for me or a million other people doesn't mean it will work for another. By finding what does work for each of us as individuals, we can start to live a genuinely authentic life expressed from our own unique view point.

Happy decisions,


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